Keep it Simple … But I am Stupid

I have always heard that there are easy dinners out there to be made. These mysterious meals — which friend say take only 15 or 20 minutes to prepare — have always eluded me. But last night I decided to try to make one.

We’re low on foodstuffs, and I was on deadline with a project, so a grocery trip was out. It’s Passover, which means we’re not eating my usual staples of beans, rice and pasta. But I was in possession of one box of Manishevitz Homestyle Chicken Roasters, which is basically a Kosher-for-Passover shake and bake. I know this because the instructions on the box include the words “Shake” and “Bake.” I was also in possession of a phenomenal amount of broccoli, which we forgot to serve at our Seder. We were going to have coated chicken, broccoli and leftover noodle kugel.

I got so excited that I forgot to be intimidated. My mom makes this coated chicken, and it’s one of Hubby’s favorite dishes. He requests it whenever we visit, and she makes it even when it’s not Passover.

Do not even bother to turn, lazy!

I approached the instructions, which seemed simple enough. They basically involved throwing wet chicken pieces into a bag and shaking, then placing the chicken into a baking dish and baking. As I read this line: “Do not cover or turn chicken during baking,” I realized that this was the kind of lazy instructions that are meant for me! This was going to be easy.

I rinsed, I shaked, I placed in the oven and started baking. The instructions informed me that my boneless chicken (boneless and skinless breasts, generally the only chicken I work with outside of soup) would take
“20 to 25 minutes.”

I timed the broccoli, which I microwaved for two minutes, to be ready just as the chicken would be done. Ditto for the reheated (in the toaster oven at 350) kugel. At the 20-minute mark, I pulled out the chicken. It looked done. Until I cut into it and found it completely raw.

Back in it went. And then I forgot about it. Nearly 10 minutes later, I went back to the chicken, which was certainly done. Hubby declared it perfectly dry, which is how he likes it. I pouted. I pulled the broccoli out of the microwave. Overcooked and brown. I reached for the kugel and burned my fingers when it stuck to the pan. I sat down, defeated, and ate my not-so-simple meal.

Hubby was happy (or just being nice). He declared the chicken a fine meal, but he agreed that it’s not the same as my mom’s. “But that’s okay.” He said.

That’ll teach me to think that cooking can be simple. Tonight for dinner: leftover brisket (for Hubby) and matzah ball soup (for me), plus leftover kugel and matzah farfel muffins. Oh yes, and broccoli. Lots of microwaved broccoli.

P.S. I am totally not kidding when I tell you that you can buy Manishevitz  Chicken Roasters on Amazon.com, in bulk. Click here.

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Matzo Ball Soup (or is that Matzah Ball Soup?)

Saturday morning, I got up and put on my workout shorts, a sports-bra tanktop and my walking shoes. I put my hair back in a headband and got started. A workout? Going for a run (hint: I don’t run)? Nope – Passover cooking.

I’ve made a Passover Seder nearly every year for the past six years, so it’s the one meal that I know how to cook. I usually try to keep it simple, making the same dishes every year. Yet it is always challenging, especially because I’m following my mom’s recipes, and she quite possibly has never written a recipe with measurements ever. I have even had her in my kitchen making these recipes with me, and she can’t give me a measurement to put down in my recipe book. It’s no wonder making the seder meal often clocks in at a dozen phone calls to her!

I won’t walk you through all the gory details, except to say that, even with Hubby helping, I started cooking when I woke up, and didn’t sit down until almost 5:00 p.m., when I stopped only to apply makeup and fix my hair before the company arrived (at 5:00). Even lunch – two pieces of frozen pizza, part of The Great Pre-Passover Eat-Down – was eaten standing up and cooking.

Oh yes – chicken soup!

The core of my Passover meal is always chicken soup. Notice I do not say matzo ball soup or matzah ball soup. I don’t make the balls. Some years, we don’t even have any balls, but most years Hubby makes them, and he did indeed make them this year (with a mix of regular and whole wheat matzah meal, which lead to small and dense, but still tasty, balls). 

Chicken soup was the first thing I learned to cook, and, for many  years, the only thing I could cook. 

I learned because I craved chicken soup when I was away at college, but couldn’t order it in a restaurant because I’m allergic to onions. I like my chicken soup served with chicken in it, and carrots. I make only enormous pots of it, enough to feed an army – especially when the soup bowls for my good china are teensy. I then package up the leftovers in individual Tupperware (only the real, brand-name stuff when possible) containers.

I wax poetic on chicken soup

I can go on forever about the beauty of chicken soup: how comforting it is; how it reminds me of everything good and homey; how it really does make me feel better when I’m sick; how it freezes perfectly and is always a welcome and filling meal; how it can be eaten with matzah balls, noodles, matzah farfel or just straight-up. It was chicken soup that sustained me when I was sent to my Bubbie’s (grandmother’s) to recover from a life-threatening bout with pneumonia while in college. I am a very picky eater, and it is chicken soup, with the soup chicken in it, that my family always prepares for me at holiday meals, ensuring that I never have to worry about going hungry (as if that’s an issue – there’s always dessert!).

But perhaps the best thing about chicken soup is that it is very, very easy to make, and very, very hard to mess up. You can leave it on the burner, simmering away, for hours and hours, and it will still be good. In fact, I can think of only two ways in which I have ever messed up chicken soup:

  1. I left it simmering for hours and hours with no top on the pot (this instruction was NOT included in my mother’s recipe), and boiled away much of the soup. I was having about 32 people over two nights of Passover, and nearly had a broth shortage.
  2. I added way too much water for the amount of chicken (also not covered in the recipe) and had a VERY tasteless soup.

The perils of making chicken soup

Despite everything I have just said about how easy it is to make chicken soup, and how many times I have made it, I still require the recipe each time. Here is the recipe, as my mother gave it to me:

Mom’s Chicken Soup
  1. Ingredients: Generous amounts of salt and pepper; onion powder; [added later: a handful or two of] baby carrots; a parsnip if available. Oh yes, and chicken (more on that later).
  2. Instructions: [Added later: Use enough water to just cover the chicken], bring all the ingredients to a boil with chicken and reduce heat to simmer. Simmer 2 to 2-1/2 hours. [Added later: Cook covered!]

That is the recipe she gave me. You can see how this is fraught with peril. Just exactly how much salt and pepper do you add to it? I have never gotten an answer to this eternal mystery. Just how much onion power? Also unknowable. I’ve already mentioned the issue of how much water to add. And what, exactly, does a parsnip DO for the soup? (An indescribable but clearly important element of flavoring.)

Carrots

Carrots have proved to be their own can of worms. I initially resisted making the soup with carrots, because I never ate the carrots in the soup, but eventually relented when I realized they add an important element of flavor, and later realized that both Hubby and I like them a lot. But a call to Mommy was required to find out exactly how many carrots to add (Just a few for flavor? As much as the pot can hold? A small bag? A large bag?). The initial answer was “a handful.” But that left Hubby and me fighting for the carrots in our bowls of leftovers. So I started adding more. And more. It’s vegetables, after all! Eventually, I put so many carrots in the soup that (you’ll like this, Mom) I actually had an allergic reaction to them. 

Now, I was allergic to carrots as a baby. One of the first foods my parents fed me, they report that the carrots regularly returned to them in the form of gigantic, carrot-spraying sneezes, until they finally realized I had an allergy and just gave up. But by the time I was old enough to eat a salad, I was regularly eating carrots with no adverse effects. Well, apparently there is a limit to how many carrots I can handle, because the time I made a pot of soup heaped with baby carrots, I broke out into an almost carrot-colored rash after eating a couple large bowls. I actually repeated the process and got a second rash before I realized what was going on. 

That’s how I figured out that the magic number of carrots in a big pot is two handfuls.

My chicken soup recipe

Much to the horror of my mother and Bubbie, I have actually modified the soup recipe to make it my own. I wanted something lower in fat, and nobody in my family eats the dark chicken meat anyway, so I started using only breasts. This means I have to simmer the soup a whole lot longer than 2-1/2 measly hours to get full flavors. 

Passover soup-making went without incident, and herewith I present to you my OWN chicken soup recipe:

  1. Ingredients: 5 bone-in, skin-on chicken breasts (you can remove the skin from up to three of them to keep the fat down); lots of salt; even more pepper; a few dashes of onion powder; two handfuls of baby carrots; one medium or large parsnip.
  2. Rinse the chicken and place in your stock pot along with the other ingredients.
  3. Fill the pot with enough water to come up over the top of the chicken. (You can always use less water – you’ll just have a higher broth-to-meat ratio). 
  4. Turn the burner to High and bring the pot to a serious rolling boil. This can take quite a while, but you should hang around as boiling is getting close – you’ll need to turn the temperature down quickly to avoid boiling over.
  5. Once the pot is at a rolling boil, cover it and turn the temperature down to Medium or so (apparently every stove is different, so this part might take some experimenting) – whatever temperature will maintain the soup at a simmer. A simmer is when you cook just below boiling. Medium-sized bubbles should still break at the surface of the soup every so often.
  6. Let the soup cook for at least 2-1/2 hours, covered.
  7. If you’re using a whole chicken, or if you’re picky, you’ll want to use a small strainer to skim the “yich” off the top of the pot every 30 minutes or. 
  8. Pull the chicken up and see that it’s not pink anymore. This means it’s cooked through, and you can start tasting your broth without risking scary diseases. 
  9. Start tasting! Add more pepper or salt if you think it’s necessary. Add an entire bouillon cube if you’re feeling it’s really tasteless. If things are really bad, you can always take the top off the soup for 20 minutes and let some of the liquid boil off. The rest might get more dense and flavorful.
  10. Serve! Wait – you should know how you want to serve. My grandmother strains each ladle of soup through a fine strainer as she puts it into each bowl. I can’t be bothered with such things. I just plop carrots and broth into the bowls of my guests, and chicken, carrots and broth into mine. Just watch out for bones and skin!
  11. If you have more chicken than you need now, Hubby claims you can make the best chicken salad from the leftovers. 
For those who haven’t fallen asleep yet, the cooking went spectacularly well. We put out a meal huge enough that people went home with stomach aches (the measure of success in any Jewish household), and Hubby and I both went to bed by midnight. A successful seder!

Passover preparation Mommy call total: 5

(A personal record low – fewer even than last year, when Mommy was in town and showed up in person to help me – so I must be getting better at this stuff.)

 

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Why I don’t cook in advance

Other people I know who make Passover seders cook several parts of the meal well in advance. I don’t participate in this ritual. There are several reasons. For one, I only have one refrigerator and one freezer – a simple top-freezer model. You can’t fit that much food into it. I know this because I learned it the hard way.

It was my first Passover seder. I had already been married about five years, but I’d never gotten to be the host. Finally, though, it was my turn! I cooked up a storm the weekend before the seder, making chicken soup and kugel and matzo farfel muffins. I was, in fact, hosting TWO nights of seders, so I made lots of everything. And then I tried to put it all away. It didn’t fit. I had to beg and borrow space in not one, not two, but THREE neighbors’ refrigerators and freezers. Also, I had to lug several pots of soup around. They were pretty heavy. After that, I stopped cooking in advance. It’s just too much work.

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Passover Baking Marathon

I am hosting a Passover Seder tomorrow night, so tonight the Passover baking began. I no longer do any cooking ahead of time. As usual, my day descended into a panic when I realized there simply were not enough hours to finish an article that was due today and get to the grocery store to pick up my meats and perishables. My day started at 7:30 with a phone interview, and went non-stop from there. Hubby, bless his heart, surprised me by coming home early, and (yay!) getting the groceries.

The baking began with Hubby, who took the lead around 4:30 p.m. By the time I was done with my work, Hubby had already baked a potato kugel (somehow alchemized from a mix for potato pancakes) and a box of Passover brownies. I began the challenging job of boiling water. And microwaving frozen leftover chili for dinner in The Great Pre-Passover Eat-Down (for details of tonight’s Passover Eat-Down, click here).

I even multi-tasked! While the water, which I soon filled with Passover egg noodles, boiled away, I made tortilla strips for the chili (more of the Great Pre-Passover Eat-Down). While the chili microwaved, I rinsed the noodles and let them drain. Eventually, I managed to turn the noodles into a sweet noodle kugel. No phone calls to Mom required, for the first time ever! Did I mention that I baked it in our toaster oven?

After putting the kugel into the toaster oven, I sprinted into the next baking project: Passover cookies (from a box, of course). Now, I’ll repeat that I do not bake, so Hubby came in to supervise, at my insistence. Immediately, he wanted to deviate from the package instructions and use his Ultra Power Professional Mixer instead of my brute strength to mix the dough. A small argument ensued, as apparently, I have gained enough confidence to now have opinions about how to make things in the kitchen.

To resolve our dispute, I did the only thing I could do: I called my Mommy. It was, in fact, the second call of the night to her. The first had been from Hubby, because I couldn’t remember how she turns chocolate chips into brownie topping (sprinkle them over the hot cake and spread them around as they melt, it turns out). Mom resolved our argument: Do not use the mixer on the cookie dough because it breaks up the chocolate chips, which would be a true tragedy.

What do 3/4-inch balls look like?

Now, I won’t go into the details, but suffice to say I required several baking consultations with Hubby. For example, what do 3/4-inch balls look like? That’s what the box said to do with the cookie dough: form into in 3/4-inch balls. I have seen these types of instructions before. Are there strange little baking/cooking rulers out there that I don’t know about?

I’m sure I formed the balls wrong, because I also ended up with an incorrect number of cookies, far fewer than the box promised me. I am still anxious about this issue, as I’m sure it means the cookies will somehow not be tasty because they are too big. I mean, sure, I ate a couple hot out of the oven (oh shut up – you’ve done it, too), but will my company like them?

I made a double recipe of the cookies, and it took two sessions to cook them. They didn’t all cook evenly, so it’s kind of like having three different cookies: one under-cooked, one slightly burnt and one that might be just right.

By the time 9:40 rolled around, I couldn’t cook any more. I felt like I’d accomplished a lot. Until I realized all I made was a kugel and some cookies. Sigh.

I’m taking a poll: Who wants Mom’s Kugel recipe (origin unknown but likely the back of a bag of noodles)? If enough of you ask for it, I’ll put it in a future blog. Right now, I’m about to fall asleep.

Passover preparation Mommy call count: 2

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The Great Pre-Passover Eat-Down

With Passover almost here, I’m not cooking much – just trying to eat all the bread products in the house. I’m about sick of Eggo waffles, and have almost eaten all of my frozen bread.

Tonight, the Great Pre-Passover Eat-Down took off in earnest. Dinner basically involved microwaving frozen leftover chili, which Hubby had cooked a couple of weeks ago. But, feeling guilty for not cooking, and having a few dozen corn tortillas in my freezer, I decided to make tortilla strips, (more of the Great Pre-Passover Eat-Down). I followed a recipe in order to do this, but it’s basically a matter of cutting corn tortillas into six strips, spraying the strips with non-stick cooking spray, and baking them at 350 in the oven for about 10 minutes. Then let them cool on a wire rack, and, voila, yummy tortilla strips.

No burns, no muss, and it was pretty tasty. Now, that’s my idea of cooking!

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